- http://www.theonion.com/rfk-jr-c...-worm-in-brain-1851467603Robert F. Kennedy Jr. stated that in 2010 after he experienced bouts of memory loss for which he sought neurological treatment, one of his doctors found evidence of a parasitic worm in his brain. What do you think?Read more...Posted 2 hours 45 minutes ago - 05/09/24
- http://www.theonion.com/florida-...by-the-numbers-1851464659Florida has passed a restrictive law that bans abortions after six weeks from a womans last menstrual period, before most women know they are pregnant. The Onion breaks down the numbers behind the states war on reproductive rights.Read more...Posted 12 hours 2 minutes ago - 05/09/24
- http://www.theonion.com/senators...on-software-in-1851464639Citing their concerns about citizens privacy, a bipartisan group of senators is pushing to limit the use of facial recognition technology in airports, a rapidly expanding part of the check-in process. What do you think?Read more...Posted 12 hours 12 minutes ago - 05/09/24
- http://www.theonion.com/18-mockt...to-waste-money-1851449216DENVERFinding it an adequate substitute for the alcohol she used to consume during an evening of social drinking, local woman Candice Cooper told reporters Thursday that an $18 mocktail helped her satisfy the craving she still had to waste money. Its nice to have a drink that gives me that same experience ofRead more...Posted 12 hours 32 minutes ago - 05/09/24
- http://www.theonion.com/kamala-h...ce-is-right-st-1851447231LOS ANGELESTrying to blend in among a group of friends who wore homemade T-shirts expressing their enthusiasm for the program, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly played hooky Thursday as she sat in the Price Is Right studio audience and waited for taping of the game show to begin. I hope no one from workRead more...Posted 12 hours 43 minutes ago - 05/09/24
- http://www.theonion.com/boy-scou...outing-america-1851464438Boy Scouts of America announced that it is changing its name to Scouting America in an effort to be more inclusive, with the organizations president Roger A. Krone saying, This will be a simple but very important evolution as we seek to ensure that everyone feels welcome in Scouting. What do you think?Read more...Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/08/24
- http://www.theonion.com/bernie-s...eek-reelection-1851462091Shaking off rumors of his retirement, 82-year-old Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) declared his plans to seek reelection, saying in his announcement video that the 2024 election is the most consequential election in our lifetimes.Read more...Posted 1 day 12 hours ago - 05/08/24
- http://www.theonion.com/family-c...ing-heartbreak-1851454959EVANSVILLE, INAfter finding several messages the father of three had sent to women online, members of the local Branson family admitted Wednesday that they couldnt even be mad at their dad after seeing his heartbreaking attempts at cheating. I know I should be upset, but its hard to feel anything other than pityRead more...Posted 1 day 12 hours ago - 05/08/24
- http://www.theonion.com/for-sale...-over-his-head-1851461063Two-bedroom townhouse only 15 minutes from downtown and, Jesus Christ, what was I thinking trying to sell this all by myself? Its too late to go get a realtor now because I know my wife will be all smug about it, after I insisted I could do this myself and save a ton of money. God. I think well just not move.Read more...Posted 1 day 12 hours ago - 05/08/24
- http://www.theonion.com/columbia...-amid-protests-1851461968Columbia University canceled its commencement ceremony after weeks of pro-Palestinian protests that have shaken the campus, despite the fact that other universities have held their ceremonies with few disruptions. What do you think?Read more...Posted 2 days 3 hours ago - 05/07/24
- http://www.theonion.com/ayahuasc...to-see-himself-1851449206IQUITOS, PERUDisappointed by the limitations of the psychotropic medicine, an ayahuasca-tripping God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Tuesday how underwhelmed He was to see Himself. I dont know what I was expecting, but I sort of figured Id see something more awe-inspiring than the face of Me, saidRead more...Posted 2 days 12 hours ago - 05/07/24
- http://www.theonion.com/police-d...y-entire-fleet-1851449724CHICAGODismissing concerns that funds were being mismanaged, the Chicago Police Department vigorously defended its decision this week to buy an entire fleet of 1967 Ferraris. We will use these babies to keep the community safe, and we will look badass while doing so, said Chicago Police Superintendent LarryRead more...Posted 2 days 12 hours ago - 05/07/24
- http://www.theonion.com/report-e...part-currently-1851456016DAYTON, OHSeveral reports indicated Tuesday that the email that would tear your life apart was currently in your nemesiss draft folder and that after it was sent, nothing would ever be the same again. According to sources, the 600-word emailpenned by your lifelong foeis CCd to your friends, your relatives, andRead more...Posted 2 days 12 hours ago - 05/07/24
- http://www.theonion.com/bored-ri...calculus-class-1851454763LOS ANGELESKicking down the unlocked classroom door after listlessly wandering around campus, bored riot cops reportedly broke up a calculus course at the University of California, Los Angeles, on Tuesday. Hey guys, looktheres some students in there, said Los Angeles Police Department Lt. Thomas Larkins, who ledRead more...Posted 2 days 12 hours ago - 05/07/24
- http://www.theonion.com/israel-a...iece-for-journ-1851458525JERUSALEMFollowing its ban of the Qatar-based news outlets operations in the country, Israel accused Al Jazeera Monday of being a mouthpiece for journalism. It is clear from its continuous, 24-hour coverage of the war in Gaza that Al Jazeera is working on behalf of journalistic principles, Prime Minister BenjaminRead more...Posted 3 days 3 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/inconsol...la-theme-to-lo-1851458460NEW YORKThrowing another outfit across the room with an emphatic sob, an inconsolable Anna Wintour reportedly changed tonights Met Gala theme to Looking Like Shit after waking up feeling ugly. Sorry for the last-minute change, everyone, but the theme is now Being An Ugly Piece Of Shit to accommodate me feelingRead more...Posted 3 days 4 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/drake-dr...amar-out-to-co-1851458534TORONTOIn a stunning twist to the feud between the two hip-hop artists, Drake reportedly dropped a new track Monday inviting Kendrick Lamar out to coffee so they could clear things up. The truth is, Kendrick, I think youre a sweetie / Does 2 p.m. work, or maybe 3? Drake raps in his new single titled I Miss You,Read more...Posted 3 days 4 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/17-days-...re-baby-will-g-1851456014NEW YORKDescribing the newborns stint in a neonatal intensive care unit as a brief, blissful period during which she was still beyond the reach of marketers, sources confirmed Monday that her 17 days in an incubator would be the longest period of her life in which premature baby Rosalyn Williams was not exposed toRead more...Posted 3 days 5 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/gradgita...n-commencement-1851457902Posted 3 days 8 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/dad-spen...is-many-people-1851454957SAN DIEGORepeatedly questioning how anyone in this city made a living when all they did was hang out and waste their time and money, local dad Keith Dearborn reportedly spent his entire vacation asking how this many people were out at coffee shops on a weekday. I dont get it. Its 12 p.m. on a Wednesday, and thisRead more...Posted 3 days 11 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/polish-l...ndlord-s-dream-1851455459Unit contains resident who leaves out fresh roast chickens and keeps jug of milk in fridge. Take and eat whatever you wantthey cant stop you!Read more...Posted 3 days 12 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/poll-fin...on-reform-that-1851447118WASHINGTONShowing wide-ranging approval across all demographic groups regardless of political affiliation, a new poll from the Pew Research Center found Monday that the majority of U.S. citizens want immigration reform that includes making up new last names for people again. Our data show that most Americans doRead more...Posted 3 days 12 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/wild-ora...edicinal-plant-1851455018Rakus, a wild Orangutan being observed in Indonesia, was seen using a medicinal plant called Akar Kuning, which is used throughout Southeast Asia to treat pain and inflammation, to heal a facial wound, chewing the leaves and applying them to the injury like a bandage. What do you think?Read more...Posted 3 days 12 hours ago - 05/06/24
- http://www.theonion.com/oranguta...ine-to-fix-bal-1851455362ACEH, INDONESIAWatching in awe as the wild animal applied the medicinal product to the top of his head, primate researchers were reportedly stunned Friday after witnessing an orangutan use Rogaine to fix a bald spot. This is the first known case of any wild animal using an over-the-counter hair loss treatmentRead more...Posted 6 days 2 hours ago - 05/03/24
- http://www.theonion.com/arrests-...ts-reach-2-000-1851454991According to a tally by the Associated Press, the number of individuals arrested at college protests held in support of Palestinians in Gaza has surpassed 2,000 across 36 schools. What do you think?Read more...Posted 6 days 4 hours ago - 05/03/24
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