As the art of homesteading enjoys a resurgence in modern culture, many Americans are turning to backyard chicken coops as both an alternative source of food and a rewarding hobby. The Onion shares tips for tending a flock of chickens of your own. Decide if youll be raising chickens for food, companionship, or blood sacrifice. […] The post Tips For Keeping ...

WASHINGTONLambasting the current program as wasteful, bloated, and entirely unnecessary, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth called for steep cuts Monday to the number of steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery model. We must cut through the red tape bogging down what could be a far more efficient AA, said Hegseth, who slammed the 12-step program as […] The ...

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ARLINGTON, VAArguing that the move would allow the government agency to present a united front against threats to national security, the Pentagon announced Monday that it was cutting all employees with weak jawlines. Were committed to enforcing the highest standards within the Defense Department, which is why we’re now requiring everyone who works here to ...

NEW YORKSaying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose, local man Martin Berens, 43, spent his afternoon volunteering opinions about the homeless, sources confirmed Monday. Nothing makes me feel better than heading down to the park in my spare time and serving up a bunch of […] The post Man Spends Afternoon ...

A new Deloitte study found that about 50% of younger consumers prefer watching creator-driven content on social media over big-budget Hollywood entertainment, claiming they feel more connected to influencers than to actors. What do you think? The post Gen Z, Millennials Prefer Influencer Content Over Premium Entertainment appeared first on The Onion.

VATICAN CITYSaying the pontiffs abrupt change in personality had put them all on edge, cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church confirmed Friday that they were weirded out by how religious the pope had become following his recent brush with death. Ever since Pope Francis got out of the hospital, hes been pretty much nonstop with […] The post Cardinals ...

MADISON, WIAmid his political action committees campaign to influence a closely contested Wisconsin Supreme Court election, Elon Musk told reporters Friday that he was amazed by how much cheaper bribing voters was in the Midwest. I knew there was a lower cost of bribing out here, but I didnt expect to find this many votes […] The post Elon Musk Amazed At ...

A United Airlines flight headed to Shanghai from LAX last weekend had to turn around after two hours in the air when one of the pilots realized he had forgotten his passport. What do you think? The post United Flight Turns Around After Pilot Forgets Passport appeared first on The Onion.

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AUSTIN, TXIn an effort to crack down on the statewide proliferation of adult foodstuffs, the Texas Legislature passed a new law Friday requiring all residents to show identification to buy phallic foods. From bananas to cucumbers to submarine sandwiches, obscene foods will no longer be allowed to fall into the hands of minors in the […] The post New Law ...

Hallow, a Catholic prayer app, is observing Lent with a prayer challenge featuring celebrities like Mark Wahlberg, who is also an investor in the app. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Hallow.  Q: Who is Hallow aimed at? A: Lapsed Catholics seeking a closer connection with Mark Wahlberg. Q: Is Hallow only […] The post What To Know About ...

EDEN PRAIRIE, MNCausing light bulbs to shatter and plaster to rain down from the ceiling of the quaking room, pale teenage psychic Derek Timmons reportedly collapsed with a nosebleed Friday after trying to jerk himself off with the power of his mind. II thought I was strong enough to harness my psychokinesis to beat my […] The post Pale Teenage Psychic ...

SARTELL, MNFeeling a deep sense of embarrassment wash over his long, scaly body, a local snake getting twirled around like a lasso reportedly realized Friday that he was never going to live this down. Being spun in circles above the head of a child pretending to be a big strong cowboy is the most humiliating […] The post Snake Getting Twirled Around Like ...