SEATTLE, WA In a beautiful, heartwarming call for universal peace, liberals took several stolen, burning Teslas and arranged them to spell out "Coexist."

NUUK Vice President JD Vance was met with a cold reception early Friday when he arrived in Greenland to find a grand army furiously making snowballs to defend against an invasion from the United States.

U.S. Kart Rite Manufacturing (KRM) issued a nationwide recall this week following the discovery of a grocery store shopping cart that had four properly functioning wheels.

HOLLYWOOD, CA Movie production has officially ceased, ending the dreams of aspiring actors and screenwriters everywhere, as all Hollywood studios collectively agreed that they would never be able to top 1977's Smokey and the Bandit.

WASHINGTON, D.C. The controversy surrounding Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and his tattoo choices intensified earlier this week after he unveiled a brand-new "Kill All Commies" tattoo on his forehead.

LONDON British authorities took one of the U.K.'s most dangerous individuals off the streets, with police announcing the arrest of an 80-year-old woman for using a butter knife to spread butter on her toast.

The British Constable is on the prowl, and he is rounding up dangerous weapons by the minute to keep England safe from all sorts of harm. God save our brave constables!

WASHINGTON, D.C. Hearings on Capitol Hill took a dramatic turn today, with PBS's bipartisanship being questioned due to newly released footage of Elmo keying a Tesla Cybertruck.

HOLLYWOOD, CA Disney's latest offering, Snow White, is already garnering Oscar buzz after performing terribly at the box office and bombing with critics, attributes the Academy looks for when choosing films to nominate.

HEAVEN God confirmed this week that our heavenly bodies will look very similar to the aesthetic of animator Hayao Miyazaki, creator of Studio Ghibli.

U.S. Defying all odds, a popular television show has wrapped up with a satisfying finale that leaves no loose ends. [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is satire.]

LONDON British PM Keir Starmer has announced that he has directed authorities to prosecute the famous King Arthur for his unauthorized use of the deadly sword Excalibur, violating the nation's ban on swords.