HAYDEN, ID With the Left accusing more people of being Nazis than ever before, local Nazi Chuck Pohlhaus is struggling to stand out.

WASHINGTON, D.C. In a brave move hailed by political analysts as an inspiring display of courage, New Jersey Senator Corey Booker embarked on a straddling anti-drug crusade by hosting a 24-hour live public service announcement on the dangers of crystal meth.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Administration staffers were caught off guard by a painfully awkward situation today as former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg returned to the White House from his maternity leave.

LONDON Authorities reported the successful arrest of a 38-year-old man who was caught silently praying for the well-being of the person who was stabbing him. He is currently being held awaiting trial.

U.S. After weeks of intense theological reflection and debate, an interdenominational group of pastors and scholars has just confirmed that, as human beings, we are all made in the Image of God and that even includes Steve.

LOS GATOS, CA As anticipation continued to build for the streaming platform's upcoming reimagining of The Chronicles of Narnia, Netflix announced this week that the character of Aslan would be voiced by Zendaya.

U.S. An exciting new documentary has just been released, which presents a total of 15 minutes of interesting information over the course of 10 hour-long episodes.

U.S. It's a welcome act of God's gracious providence: all the indications show that they're finally playing a good old classic hymn in your church.

PORTLAND, OR Even people with the most secure jobs in booming industries reported feeling the widespread financial squeeze, with one local Tesla bomber forced to take a second job as a Bernie Sanders rally attendee.

GIZA Researchers have made a startling discovery about what lies beneath the Great Pyramids: it's sand.

NEW YORK, NY Continuing to find every equipment modification that could give them a competitive edge, the New York Yankees closed out their season-opening series sweep of the Milwaukee Brewers by debuting new baseball gloves.

If you're a Christian guy looking to find a godly wife, you know it can be hard to start a conversation with a girl. But we at The Babylon Bee have much rizz, we are reliably told. Here is a pickup line to use for a girl of each Christian denomination:

GREENLAND In a bid to sweeten the offer of becoming an American territory, Vice President JD Vance has offered Greenland the Statue of Liberty.

PLANO, TX Local seven-year-old Benjamin Gunther was outed as a homeschooler after he looked an adult directly in the eyes while speaking in complete sentences.

U.S. After decades of discussion, theologians have confirmed that missing church is totally fine so long as it's for a kid's travel ball league.

LEGOLAND, CA Representatives from LEGO gathered at Legoland in San Diego to unveil a new series of building sets called California Home' that requires kids to fill out building permits and wait two years before starting construction.

RUIDOSO, NM Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen the excitement of watching the Passion of the Christ sequel.

SEATTLE, WA In a beautiful, heartwarming call for universal peace, liberals took several stolen, burning Teslas and arranged them to spell out "Coexist."

NUUK Vice President JD Vance was met with a cold reception early Friday when he arrived in Greenland to find a grand army furiously making snowballs to defend against an invasion from the United States.

U.S. Kart Rite Manufacturing (KRM) issued a nationwide recall this week following the discovery of a grocery store shopping cart that had four properly functioning wheels.

HOLLYWOOD, CA Movie production has officially ceased, ending the dreams of aspiring actors and screenwriters everywhere, as all Hollywood studios collectively agreed that they would never be able to top 1977's Smokey and the Bandit.

WASHINGTON, D.C. The controversy surrounding Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and his tattoo choices intensified earlier this week after he unveiled a brand-new "Kill All Commies" tattoo on his forehead.

LONDON British authorities took one of the U.K.'s most dangerous individuals off the streets, with police announcing the arrest of an 80-year-old woman for using a butter knife to spread butter on her toast.

The British Constable is on the prowl, and he is rounding up dangerous weapons by the minute to keep England safe from all sorts of harm. God save our brave constables!

WASHINGTON, D.C. Hearings on Capitol Hill took a dramatic turn today, with PBS's bipartisanship being questioned due to newly released footage of Elmo keying a Tesla Cybertruck.